Wednesday, January 4, 2012

"Get out of Gainesville!"

... said a girl Monday night when she heard I was an attorney- "You would be much further and more successful anywhere else". We had a brief conversation while I was getting ready to go home after a night of karaoking and drinks. And I can't stop thinking about it. Although she might be mistaken as to how easy is to get ahead in the legal profession I can't say this isn't something that hasn't been on mind ever since I took my oath of attorney. Should I be here or should I start elsewhere. Maybe there is a place for me where things would be easier for me and I wouldn't struggle as much. And is there place where I would finally be content and say, this is where I need to be. I feel that partially this is the drama of the first generation immigrants with virtually no family in the United States. No particular reason to stay here, no real need to move. I could pick any random place on a map and just start from there. Bigger city would create greater opportunities for sure. Torn between here and elsewhere, with one foot in Florida, the other in Poland, I'm waiting for the next big thing. "Move. You should only vacation in Gainesville" the girl continued, "You will not get your big break here." "It's a good place to learn, but then you need to get away, while you're young". Have I been letting my fear hold  me back? I've always been saying that the foundation needs me, but have I been using it as an excuse to stay?  Moving to America felt like no risk at all. I had to take a chance somewhere, I had nothing to lose. Am I still here because it's familiar and safe? I can always find a cause I believe in. And what if I can't make it work? Yes, something has got to give and it better does soon, but what if it doesn't? There are things about being here that I like. The transit system is fairly efficient,  things are wheelchair accessible. But the town feels smaller and smaller and younger and younger. It excites me less and less. I feel old although I'm still young and there's plenty of things I want to see and do. Her words resonated in my head as I was going home  that windy night. I haven't figured it out but I will keep my eyes open.

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