Sunday, December 18, 2011

Relying on other people.

I'm very independent, although I'm in a wheelchair. I try to get everywhere I can without anybody's assistance and do as much as I can by myself. I don't mind taking a bus even if it takes much longer than asking a friend for a ride. But sometimes I need help. I hate to have to rely on other people, because the situation is taken out of my control and placed under theirs entirely. And there's nothing I can do. They can forget, be late or change their mind entirely. There are places I can't get to by bus, and I can plan for about anything around it, but getting there is often the one step I can't skip. And there's no way to fix it. Sometimes I just have to trust a friend to be there, to come and get me and safely take me home. And sometimes they don't.  They have their lives too, even if they make plans with me, but it leaves me cornered with no alternative, because it's too late to figure out anything else. Desperate, scrambling for a solution.

Today it was a party. A friend was supposed to take me to a get together in a different part of town they were invited to go to as well, but decided to go dancing in stead, probably 20, 30 minutes before picking me up. It was not that I was expecting my friend to take me because I wanted to go. I would've been fine if they changed their minds earlier than the time the party already started. It would also have been alright if we were meeting to go somewhere I can get to myself. Or if I wasn't expected to show up. I was disappointed not simply because my friend couldn't do it, but because of how it was handled. I don't have the ease to move about town freely and I don't think they can understand the sense of desperation when you have to rely on somebody else as a necessary ingredient of that plan; I have limited mobility, I try to make up for it by planning ahead as much as I  can. It is difficult enough asking people for favors, but often I put my fate in  their hands- today it was a party. But I felt the very same way when I was waiting for  another friend to take me to the airport or drive me to take my bar exam. They will show up or they will not and there is nothing I can do.  I make plans in advance, often I have a plan B, but even that often is not enough. That's why I don't like to rely on others. If it's only me and something happens I have made my bed and I will lay in it. I also try to be more considerate if I know others are counting on me. Sometimes I'll be late or I may forget, but I would never leave someone hanging knowingly. I believe in treating people the way I'd like to be treated. Most of my friends are amazing people who come through, but there were situations, like my own Oath Ceremony where someone who offered to help me decided not to 20 minutes before showtime. Being 40 minutes late on my big day is something I never want to feel like again.


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