Purpose

I moved to America thinking that most things I did if not all and the people I met had some purpose in my life. You may find this a silly notion and I don't think I believe that anymore. You have to admit, it's a great attitude to have when you start your life in a new country. You stay open and attentive, ready to learn and explore life. Ready to listen what others tell you. Tell you about themselves, but also about you. And I guess for me it was a way to justify ending up here, far from everything and everyone I knew and love.Anything familiar. It's almost as if I abandoned  my home. Isn't it strange that one moment I had people, places and routines I called my own, that was the life as I knew it, and the next I was in a different place entirely. My family and friends thrived back home without me there. As if I stepped out of one life and into another. My brother had two children while I've been gone and my father faced severe heart conditions. And I guess nothing kills that sense of wonderment and excitement as much as the things I went through in the years that followed. Proving to my law school that I'm worthy of admission to the second program, explaining what Cerebral Palsy is and how it affects me. And then- months and months of doubt and confusion as I was fighting, kicking and screaming when Immigration was deciding my fate in this country. I'd get knocked down, over and over and get up every single time, but with each blow it felt that something was taken from me. Something I would never recover. Over the years I grew more sarcastic and cynical. I haven't pondered if there's a reason for me to be where I am, is there something guiding me on my path in quite a while. But I miss who I used to be. And I can tell you, during those first two years here, that now feel like a lifetime ago, I've met some amazing, extraordinary inspiring people in Gainesville, with stories, experiences so different from mine. Friends have moved on, new ones taken their places. Many of people I used to be closed to moved on to new exciting places. And I'm happy for them. But I'm still here. And I no longer ask if this is where I should be and why. Recently I met a new friend. We've been bumping into each other three days in a row. With nothing planned in advance and me deciding on a whim to go explore the town we were just both at the same place over and over. As my friend puts it, it's as if we were meant to meet. I don't think I believe it, but it's fun to think about. But oddly, it's one of the few people that get to see the less cynical and sarcastic side to me. And I don't know if there's a force driving me or if I have a direction, all I know is I want to be a good person. And do a good job.